Welcome to Dear Effie, a new weekly column in which effervescent District 12 escort and duchess of decorum, Effie Trinket, answers Panem’s burning questions about life, love, and most importantly, manners!
This week Effie tackles a lovelorn lad and persnickety party host. Read on!
Dear Effie,
I'm completely in love with someone, but I'm not sure if she loves me back. She acts like she cares some of the time - even acts like she needs me sometimes. But I wonder if she's using me. Her best friend is a very handsome guy, and I can't help feeling jealous. How do I know if her love is real?
- Lovesick P
Dear P,
Oh, P what a quandary! If she's torn between the two of you, walk away. You want a girl who'll flip her wig over you, P, not a coin! The only way to know for sure is to ask her. Hike up your britches and ask her if it's real.
I'm rooting for you, P. May the odds be ever in YOUR favor!
- Effie
Dear Effie,
I'm hosting a Quarter Quell pre-party and the market is out of caviar! It's not a QQ party without caviar! I'm about to have a fit! What does one serve for a QQ party when one's local market is so idiotic it "forgot to order" such an important item RIGHT before the Quarter Quell? Inexcusable!
- A Panic in Panem
Dear Panic,
No caviar for a Quell party, now that IS distressing. Firstly, roundly scold your local fishmonger! There is no excuse for irresponsibility. Secondly, I say it's time for evasive action. Overwhelm your guests with colorful confections. Pile the dessert tables to overflowing with a riot of colorful cakes and tinted treats. Ply them with pastels!! When they see your mountain of morsels they won't notice what's missing. Make sure you have plenty if emetic on hand - you're going to need it!
- Effie
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